So können Sie sagen, es ist dein Geburtstag?
Es ist mein Geburtstag auch.
Aber erst Wensday
Ich bin jünger als Sie.

Darf ich diese Chance ergreifen
Um Ihnen für Ihre trabbs danke
Für die Wildleder und die Gummisohle
Für die schreien abb Dabbs

Von Sammlern und chancers
Die sauer und die Armen
Wer kann ihre Körbe nicht leer
3 Paar, sind Sie sicher?

Ich liebe dich verdammt Adolf
Du bist ein germanc Freude
Ich habe viele Ihrer Pumpen
Doch nichts in weiß.

Mein Sohn sollte genannt worden Adolf
Und so sollte ich
Ich danke Ihnen
Ich danke Ihnen
Froliche Gerburstag
Du bist meine Leben.

‘Don’t Forget To Turn It Off’

Don’t forget to turn it off son

I won’t dad

I never have

It’s always been on.

Well you have and it’s tele I’m talking about

Dont make me shout

I’ve never forgot to turn it off dad

It’s always been on

No amount of time will ever be done

Just fucking turn it off or turn it in

Believe me son, you’ll never win.

I know dad

I know…

‘Pocket Full Of Ash’

Fill the fucker up til it overflows and drop the glass.

Shattering smithereens and memories across the tiles

Smiles and blushes backwards bruised and bloodied

Caught up and snared between morning and twilight

Happy yet held up by nerves and tears that turn my stomach

Invisible scars silvered and honest we cry

We miss those who we’ve been loved by and who we have cherished.

This script chips chunks off us all and soaks bone deep.

Sleep passes us by lightening fast and morning appears confused.

Torn between running away or sitting down in the rain.

Bring me the solution not the problem I have enough of my own.

Grip loosens as hands tore yet we love and lose and lie.

Demand pardons yet never excuse. Just do. Then do it again.

Furthermore I am desperate for the next year to see me.

Getting me tomorrow is my favourite time to have you done this.

Helped me in the first place and all the other times were mine.

Yours forever will do though tbh and I am sure its difficult and you will have to wait.

Cracked and a bit more than a little bit more of the day twice.

Very well soon after I had the last time in my soul and it was divine. I’m here, and I’m Devine.x

‘Turning Into Now (part 1)’

I’ve seen far too many sunrises. Although the dawn is delightful to watch, it always makes me sad. Another day has gone and we’re hurtling towards something we can’t control.

I’ve spent far too many minutes thinking of nothing yet something is telling me to carry on. To expect the expected. To realise why nothing is in fact something.

I’ll probably end up wasting all my time and get left behind but I’ll end up embracing the silence. Amplitude is solitude as it whispers its denials. As it cuts its self on selfishness. As it bleeds it’s tears and the last of thought of the day would be of you.

You. Beauty is soaked in you. Stained solid and deep with a scent so undeniably personal that is dizzys the mind. My mind.

I’ve watched the paint peel off too many days. Seen too much I didnt want to see. And forgot more. More than I needed to.

So I’ll gaze at you and take the blame.

If you want you to, you can do the same.



I’m half asleep but fully in love and I’m needing some sleep to fall from above like a sand man throwing his grit in my eyeI’ll cryI’m almost there but nowhere yet I’m so bloody sure of what I have near and it’s you I’m holding and you dont need to tryI’ll cryPinch me I’m dreaming yet I’m so wide awake I’m pretending I’m lucky yet I’ve nothing to take apart from your love and your beauty and I’ll keep them on loan. They’re yours simply yours they’re yours to own.I thought nothing of saying all of these words they’ve spilled easy and messy and slightly absurd yet I’m shouting at the traffic and being heard. Why?Cos I’ll cry.

‘You Get Me?’

I’ll never tire of telling you I love you. Quite the opposite in fact. It will make me alive telling you I love you. Keeps me awake at night knowing you love me back

You get me?

When we’re together, for however long, i leave a piece of me with you and I take a piece of you with me. I’ll give you the pieces back when we’re not saying goodbye

You get me?

When we love, we love and it’s simple. It’s straight forward and caring. It’s black and white and coloured in it’s never about the win. It’s about us

You get me?

So, I’ll promise to keep you smiling as you stay beguiling and I’ll make sure you’re warm enough not to cry. I’ll hold your hand and help you stand as you steady me,

Then I’ll know you get me.


‘Another Bastard List Poem About Liverpool’

Angry Andrew from Anfield spilled his £5 cup of coffee

Andrew is livid

Boz eyed Brenda from Broad Green is always moaning about the darkies

She’s got Ten to two eyes

Crappy Claire from Childwall is addicted to Jeremy Kyle

She’s appearing on the show next week

Dickhead Darren from Dingle in his knitted yoghurt hat

Darren’s a twat.

Eager Elaine from Everton sells Avon

And so does her dad

Forlorn Frida from Fazakerly works down the bookies

She hates bloody horses

Grubby Ged from Garston collects toe nail clippings

Not necessarily his own

Happy Helen from Halewood sleeps with her gardener

Viciously and often

Helen thinks Darren’s a twat as well

Irate Ian from Islington plays Warhammer on his own

He’s lost his dice, twice

Jealous John has just caught Helen in the shed

Wearing a grow bag

And Kindly Karl from Kenny writes all this down

And smiles. Sometimes

Lazy Lisa from Litherland hates her kids and her mum

It’s her own fault.

Or Darren’s.

You choose.

Mardarsed Mark from Maghull wishes Hitler was still alive

Hes a bigger twat than Darren

Normal Nina from Norris Green isn’t normal.

She’s well fucking weird tbh

Obnoxious Olive from Old Swan only eats on Thursdays

She’s obese but she’s happy

Pedantic Phil from Prescot once bought Pete Wylie a pint

And drank it himself

Quirky Quentin from Queens Drive likes to juggle sharp things

He only has one hand

Ridiculous Richard from Roby makes artisan pencils from dust he’s collected

And sells them to that twat Darren

Sickly little Simon from Speke hasn’t been out in years

It’s down to the fact he’s in Walton doing a 20 stretch

Timid Theresa from Toxteth likes gardening in the nude

She only owns a window box

Underwhelming Ursula from Utting Avenue once went out with Darren

Not that Darren a different Darren

Virtuous Vanessa from Vauxhall swears that she’s still a virgin

She’s Darrens mum

Windy Wendy from Waterloo once went to Blackpool on her own

It was shut

Excited Xavier from Exeter is a mature student studying Art at John Moores

Smells of pencils and cheap speed

Yellow Yvonne owns the local Chinese chippy

She sells out of date forks

And because there’s nowt to rhyme with Zed

We’ll all call Darren a twat instead

‘Will It Be Forever?’

And Like Herpes or Like a Stanley knife scar

And Like that conviction you received for stealing that car

Yes it will be forever

And Like United fans going on about there history

And Like at 4am when I need a wee

And Like our names carved in the trunk of that tree

Yes it will be forever

And Like Lizzy still on that bastard throne

And Like not being able to buy your own home

And Like smashing the screen on your new phone

Yes it will be forever

And Like America getting us all in shit

And Like seagulls nicking your bloody last chips

And Like cellulite sticking to your hips

Yes it will be forever

And Like Aguero and Sterling scoring goals for fun

And Like waiting in for a giro that will never come

And Like missing my fucking mum

Yes it will be forever

And Like smiling when you call my name

And Like you smiling when I do the same

And Like loving you again and again

Yes it will be forever